In My Own World

Holaa..have you ever feel like live in your own world? You only know and care about yourself. Yaa, as the saying goes 'you know yourself better than anyone else'. Is it true? I think it is. In my last entry I've mention that I'm not the 'me' that I used to be. Well, I'm not like this before. Sometimes I wonder what makes me changed like 180 degree or maybe 360 degree. Perhaps that because of a lot of thing that didn't go as I planned or I just failed to accomplish.

Take my dream for example. Once, I was dreaming to be a pilot, an architect, an engineer, a graphic designer and an interior designer. But none of the become true. It just left a 'dream'. Now I'm studying administration. 

When I was small, I'm very competitive person. I like to win (no matter what it takes). I always stand up to be a leader (I'm sad when someone else was appointed as a leader). I like it if my friends ask me to teach them or do something for them. And I can be a good 'teacher' to them (whether it is good or bad thing). Hehehe...But not nowadays. When my friends ask me to teach them or ask me how to solve the question, I just don't know how or what to answer them. It's not like I don't want to answer them, but I just don't know the answer.

I don't know how to face a stranger. When I do my presentation, sometimes I feel that I don't know what I'm presenting about. It really hurts inside (when you don't know what are you doing). Sometimes I feel useless. Before this I hate failure. But now I don't think it is a matter to me.

Maybe my brother was right. He told me that I live in my own world. He said that I don't know and don't care about things that happened around me. And I've give some thought about it. Guess what? Yaah, it does makes sense. Somehow I think I've just lost all of my confident in me. I've become someone mysterious. I hate being in the crowd. I'm easily get bored and become someone who don't like talking. But, I love making friends with people around the world. Weird right? I like sharing stories that can open up my mind or make me think. I love reading other people life stories (the one that can inspire me).

Well, I still have about two years before graduating. InsyaAllah, I will graduate next year. Till then, I should just endure all the pain and be strong. The most important thing, I should gain back my confidence and find the 'me' that I've lost. ^_^